Last summer I moved into a new apartment. It had a lot of qualities I liked: it was closer to Izmir, just 400m from the bay. A beautiful woman I had been dating lived nearby. It was in my price range.
It had just one problem.
This.
This was the only toilet.
A Turkish toilet.
For those who have never heard of one, a Turkish toilet is a porcelain basin installed into the floor of a room. There are grooves on either side where the user can place their feet (facing toward the door, not the back wall). Then you squat down over the hole and do your business.
Three Facts you should know about a Turkish Toilet
Bowel movements last about as long as urinating. On a western toilet, bowel movements — more commonly known as “#2” are a chance to rest and sometimes even read. In a Turkish toilet, one squats over the hole, defecates, and leaves. It’s not a position one wants to keep for four or five minutes as one might on a western toilet.
Cleaning is easy. There is always a water spigot in the room (sometimes there is a hose). I always kept a liter pitcher full and flushed after I did my business. Once a week, I would mop out the bowl. It was a lot easier than keeping a western toilet clean.
Squatting is better for health. OK this is what Turks tell me, but scientific studies tend to bear this out, pointing out reduced risks of colon cancer and appendicitus among “squatters.” Sorry sitters!
One Myth about Turkish Toilets
Once I was using my toilet, and my aim was perfect. My waste dropped into the hole without hitting the bowl — “nothing but net,” so to speak.
Not only did I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment, but a genie immediately popped out of the hole, congratulated me on my skill, and granted me three wishes 🥲
In related news, I will see all three of my kids over the next three months!
What do you call a “Squat Potty” in Turkey?
I had used such toilets in visits to Albania and the Republic of Georgia where they can be found in a few places. In Albania they were called “Turkish toilets,” and the tone used with the phrase was not complimentary.
When I saw the toilet in my apartment, I wondered, ‘What do they call such toilets here in Turkey? Is it rude to use the term here?’
The answer I got, when I went with my friend, Füsun, to shop for an upgrade for my apartment, was tuvalet alaturka. Western toilets where one sits and rests, are called tuvalet alafranga, dating back to a time when all westerners were referred to as “Franks” by Ottomans and then by Turkish republicans.
Turks call them “Turkish-style” not “French-style” so I will, too.
A New Toilet
While a Turkish toilet may sound exotic, I eventually paid for a replacement.
My friends here laughed when they found out about my new lifestyle. They also said, “I’m not coming over if that’s the only toilet you have.”
It was.
So I got a new toilet installed. It took about two months to sort things out — home improvement and finding a contractor is tough back home in the States; in a new country and a difficult language, it was well neigh impossible.
I held a party for my colleagues when it was up and running. It was so great.
I’m glad I kept the Turkish toilet long enough to add to the wisdom of dear readers like you. If you have questions, please leave them in the comments.
Ah, that brings back memories! When I first arrived in Central Anatolia, Turkey, and teaching at a Turkish school, on my break I would often walk 10 minutes to the Hilton Hotel to buy an English-language publication and use the Western toilet. Over time, I finally got (sort of) used to "squatty potties." But I was literally "relieved" to move to Abu Dhabi, UAE, after two years, where Western toilets were almost universal. Since returning to the US, my son has become a sort of convert to the Turkish way of life. He installed an electronic heated seat bidet on his Western toilet, controlled with a remote, to match the really clean, eco-friendly behinds of the Turks. Not much toilet paper is needed. "Dirty A-hole" is not an accurate or appropriate insult for the Turks. They are clean, real clean and eco-friendly.